SIGNPOSTS
To boldly go
by Gudrun Kittel-Thong
It’s six months since the Muller family moved to Hong Kong and they’re beginning to settle into their new home and routine. But it hasn’t been easy.
In their first weeks they faced a number of challenges both as individuals and as a family. The husband had to put in long hours at work from the start, his wife had to take on family management in a foreign environment, and their two children started school without any close friends.
Relocating is a process that involves all family members, which is why it begins at home – ideally months before the move.
One of the first issues that needs to be discussed when considering an overseas posting is whether all family members want to move. Also important is whether there are strong reasons not to move, such as certain medical or educational facilities being unavailable in the new place.
There’s also the question of children and their needs. Start by asking children to think about the move and to come up with a list of their concerns and wishes. You can discuss which of these warrant further attention by having a family chat about them and any other issues that come up. That way, everyone’s involved in the planning stage and feels that their voice has been heard.
Decide together, whenever possible, what to take along, what to leave and how to deal with any pets. You may also want to look at the possibility of a nonworking spouse finding a job or of taking the time abroad as a professional sabbatical.
Hong Kong doesn’t always offer a supportive environment for married couples, but it’s important when relocating to make sure that both husband and wife think and act as a team. Try to be clear about your values and expectations and ask yourself if they align. If they don’t, consider what you’re prepared to compromise on and what you can’t sacrifice.
It’s vital to look at the relocation positively and consider the advantages for each family member. Make a list and display it somewhere at home to get into a forward-looking and optimistic frame of mind.
When the time comes for the move, take time to say goodbye so that you’re emotionally and logistically prepared. Farewell parties are one possibility, but also say goodbye to your favourite places, and pack photos, postcards, books and anything else important to you.
On arrival, things may be chaotic, but you can make those difficult first days easier and help your family settle in by following a few easy steps.
- Explore: Take an exploratory trip around the city by tram, bus or MTR to observe and absorb. Think about what you see and consider what aspects of the place you can use to make your life more pleasant.
- Look: Take a good look at your new home life and decide which routines can be continued, which need to be adjusted and which are no longer feasible.
- Get help: Are you prepared to accept help, or do you prefer to suffer in silence? Find out who you can ask for assistance – consulates, local papers, fellow expatriates and counselling centres can all come in handy.
Hopefully, the chaos and feeling of being in a strange place will soon begin to ease as routines are established and faces and places become more familiar. Eight months down the line, you may well have had a holiday in a neighbouring country and made some friends.
At this point, it’s worth reflecting on the months you’ve spent in your new home. Ask yourself if there was anything you were pleasantly surprised by and what you’d be interested in exploring further.
Imagine that one of your old friends comes to visit you – what positive changes in your life would they observe?
If you heard about another family planning to move, what would be the most important advice you’d give them?
And finally, don’t forget to congratulate yourself and your family for having come this far. Celebrate the first anniversary of taking such a brave step out of your comfort zone by talking about all the new impressions, adventures, insights and friends you’ve made and by hatching new plans for the future.
Gudrun Kittel-Thong is a member of the Hong Kong International Coaching Community (info@coachinghk.org)
