SIGNPOSTS
Promises, promises
by Michelle Gabbe
What is it about the start of a new year that inspires us to fix everything in our lives, all at once?
With the best of intentions, we set resolutions in early January. But by February, we find ourselves right back in our old habits. The main reason is that the spirit of the resolution is one of forcefulness and self-judgment.
We try to force ourselves into doing things we think we should do but don't really want to do. Underneath is usually a lot of negative self-talk about how hard it is to change.
Before launching into planning for the year, take a few minutes to acknowledge some of the little things you did well in 2008.
Put a pen to paper and start writing everything that comes into your awareness. Don't be surprised if your feelings of self-appreciation open you up to inspired ideas for the year ahead.
A client named Claire came into our coaching partnership with an attitude of pessimism she wore like a badge of honour. "If I don't expect much, I'll never be disappointed," she was fond of saying. The trouble was, because she had come to anticipate disrespect and loneliness, she rarely felt respected or loved - two things she craved.
When I asked her what she wanted for the coming year, she gave me this list: get healthy, find a husband, get a promotion, and make more money. I asked her to be more specific, and to dig for the positive feelings that would come with the achievement of these goals. Her plan to "get healthy" was vague, and Claire dreaded the very thought of it. We decided on a plan to gently ease her into the changes: add one fresh vegetable at dinner, meditate for five minutes in the morning, do an at-home yoga tape twice a week and schedule a massage twice a month.
By the end of January, she was feeling energised enough to add to that list, and had joined a gym. Soon she was attracting men naturally instead of feeling she had to hunt one down like a predator.
Her work goals also needed refining. How would her daily office life be better with a promotion? What would she do with the extra money? We discovered what Claire really wanted was to the opportunity to make a meaningful contribution and use some long-forgotten skills.
With a commitment to take on more responsibility, she persuaded her boss to co-create a position that allowed her to shine, and to feel appreciated by her colleagues.
Many of us know a great deal about what we don't want, but how well can you articulate what you do want? First, jot down as many answers as you can to the following questions, being as specific as possible.
Who do I want to spend time with?
Who would I like to meet?
What do I want to learn?
How much money do I want to earn, save and invest?
How could my job be more interesting, or challenging?
What, or who, am I tolerating?
What do I want to stop doing?
How can I have more fun?
What places do I want to visit?
What unique contributions can I make to others?
Narrow the list to those items that seem achievable and make you feel excited, but a little nervous too.
Next, richly visualise yourself engaged in each area of your new life - relationship, professional, home, recreational, spiritual. Note what will change as a result of you achieving these new behaviours, this new state of being.
Engage other senses, too: "hear" appreciative comments from friends and family, as well as your own positive self-talk, imagine walking the streets of your holiday destination, the feel of cashmere against your skin, the smell of the new car, or your boss' congratulations for a job well done.
Repeat this focused daydreaming daily for 10 minutes, with as much detail as possible, and sit back as your newly created changes appear before your eyes.
Michelle Gabbe runs Guided Energy Coaching and is a member of the Hong Kong International Coaching Community (info@coachinghk.org)
