SIGNPOSTS
Balancing Tricks
by John Bower
In the first of our new column about how to change your life for the better, our executive coach talks about balancing life and work commitments.
Andre Agassi said recently that he’s looking forward to “not having to rest” now that he’s retired. To busy Hongkongers, this may seem a surprising thing to hear from one of the world’s top competitors.
We can learn a lot from top athletes. They’ll tell you that peak performance is achieved only through recovery. Agassi was referring to the most important part of his training: resting to be able to achieve more.
This principle of balance is universal. Nothing we do is effective if taken to extreme. Too much work and not enough sport is just as bad as too much exercise and not enough rest. When we want top performance, we have to do some of the opposite in order to achieve more of what we want. This is why athletes rest, and why we can learn from them.
In Hong Kong it’s often hard to strike a healthy balance. We work longer hours, we party harder, and push ourselves further than people in many other cities. But to achieve even more, we need to apply the principle of balance and look after ourselves more.
To those of us with families it’s even more important. It’s one thing to damage our own lives, but when children are involved, what we do to ourselves has a direct impact on them.
One of the saddest stories I heard recently, was told to me by a young mother at a social event. She’s a management consultant and has a demanding travel schedule. At weekends, she shuts herself in her study to catch up with work. “But I can’t concentrate with my two-year-old daughter crying outside the door, kicking on it, calling for mummy” she said.
“How do you explain to a two-year old that you have no time for her?”
My response was diplomatic, but my heart was hurting. The only answer to her question is: “You don’t explain. You give her the time she needs.”
The irony of the woman’s situation is that she wants to be a good mother. She wants to provide the best home and the best schooling, and to be a role model for her daughter. But in her drive to achieve she’s lost balance.
As a result, she’s achieving precisely the opposite of what she intends. Week after week, her child is learning neglect, abandonment and rejection.
The first years program a child with patterns that will last the rest of their lives. The first seven years are said to shape 90 per cent of the adult. And of those seven, the first three have the most impact in later life.
At that age, they’re learning not from textbooks or peers but from the adults they see – mostly, their parents. Watching a child next to an adult, you can see them copying habits, moods and attitudes – often quite accurately. So, if we want them to be healthy and happy, we must do whatever it takes to be
healthy and happy ourselves.
In a short article like this, I can’t teach you how to achieve balance, but here are many resources available and most people know what to do. My intention is to wake you up.
If I manage to shock a few people into re-evaluating their priorities, this article will have been worth while. Key points to bear in mind:
- If you’re out of balance, you’re underperforming. Time spent resting and exercising will result in more achievement than spending the same time at work.
- When you’re with children, remember that the habits you show are being recorded in their minds. What is it you want for them? Exhaustion or balance?
- Don’t wait – it’s no use fixing a problem tomorrow. If it’s already causing you or your family harm today, you’ll never have another chance to make good, however much you achieve at work.
- Finally, some good news: you can learn from children, too. As you spend time with them, watch how quickly they get over upsets, notice the joy they take in the smallest discoveries, see how happy they are just to see you.
All of these qualities are things you’ve already learned, but that you can do better. Taken from home and applied to your goals they can be transforming.
John Bower is an executive coach and member of the Hong Kong International Coaching Community. He can be reached at john.bower@humanpotentialglobal.com or http://www.humanpotentialglobal.com
