The Power of Opposites
By Tony Dovale
Adapted by Carole Lewis for HKICC from:
http://www.lifemasters.co.za/Life-masters-discover-the-power-of-opposites.htm
Why is it that, whenever we men finally subdue our egos adequately enough to take on a coach, we typically want a male coach? And the same seems to go for women leaders too. Why do they so often go for a female coach when a male coach could offer a whole lot more? Is it for camaraderie and like minded support? Is it because this is where we believe we'll feel safer, less vulnerable, more supported and more compatible? Or is it just because we don't understand the power intrinsic in embracing opposites and diversity?
This moment of deciding to take on a coach offers incredible opportunity for learning, growing and discovering even more¡K if you are prepared to cross the gender barrier, and engage the power of opposites.
I believe that many times leaders could benefit greatly by taking on a suitable coach of the opposite gender. This cross gender encounter offers such incredible opportunity for the leader to explore and discover a whole new world through different eyes, beliefs, experiences and life filters.
A male coach, coaching another male, already has numerous built-in joint understandings, unwritten agreements, beliefs and perspectives that are, for the most part, invisible to themselves, counter productive and counter intuitive to gaining maximum leverage from the time invested.
By taking on an opposite gender coach, the leader is suddenly challenged to handle a completely dissimilar set of questions, divergent perspectives, different expectations and altered understandings. The whole energy the coach brings along is completely different. And this offers the opportunity to see through new eyes and discover new ways of being.
Whereas a male coach might have a similarly exclusive, highly competitive, head-driven paradigm to his coachee, a female coach often brings along a more inclusive, collaborative, heart-guided approach. Typically men get away from authority and family, whereas women connect. Typically men are self-oriented, whereas women are other-oriented. Typically men talk about rights, whereas women talk about responsibilities. Can you now see how the opposites can bring new perspectives and new possibilities?
Very often the prime reason a coach is called upon is because more-of-the-same is not going to cut it. Something different is required - Something different by way of perspective, feeling, energy, perspectives and behaviors.
By engaging the power of opposites we can begin to shake the foundations of our fragile ego states, fears and long held limiting perspectives and paradigms. It takes a strong leader to open themselves up, trust, engage and explore new possibilities. For, in this moment, new possibilities are born of the collaborative relationship that can develop and can deliver far reaching initiatives.
I have had an incredible "male/female switch" process that gave me the experience of being able to see more clearly through feminine eyes. It was an eye opener for me to see how narrow, limited and exclusive my approach has been for most of my life. And all along I had believed that I was very inclusive!
With the way the world is shifting towards a more balanced and shared approach, it is even more relevant for leaders to be able to see, and get an understanding of, all sides perspectives. We know that female-think is very different to male-think. And so to begin to gain the benefits of the male-female synergy, men have to take the opportunity to stretch their rigid, macho perspectives and embrace the opposite, if only just for brief encounters.
Just like the management guru, Tom Peters, I believe that women have a huge amount of wisdom to offer male business leaders. We can now begin to capitalise on this inherent wisdom that many men have ignored for such a long, long time.
"A woman knows her children's friends, hopes, dreams, romances, secret fears, what they are thinking, how they are feeling. Men are vaguely aware of some short people also living in the house" - From Barbara & Allan Pease, Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps
Even in the workplace, by engaging women in areas that have traditionally been occupied by men, we can begin to see a diverse, more inclusive, and more sustainable approach to business emerging. A special report in Business Week revealed that female managers outshine their male counterparts in almost every measure". This is credible feedback and supports the proposition for astute male leaders to get an inside insight by embracing their opposites in as many areas of business as possible.
Whilst I believe many leaders will have to fight back the fear of judgment and jest from their peers for having an opposite gender coach, it offers an incredible opportunity to begin to see the world of work in a completely different manner. It enables us to begin to move away from fear-based motivation towards heart-based inspiration.
Although selecting opposites has incredible value to offer, it's still critically important to ensure a "good fit" of parties. By good fit, I mean energetically and that the opposite persons engaged are able to operate at the requisite level of performance required, according to Elliot Jaques' 7 level model of managerial hierarchy - "Levels of work".
It's no good engaging a person of the opposite gender, if they are going to have no idea, or ability, to dance within the domain of the leader being coached. A receptionist, even of the opposite sex, will have no value-add to the chairman or CEO.
Even in the domain of racial diversity, a company, team or group can benefit greatly by having an open and inclusive approach and insight to alternative input, perspectives, challenges, wants and needs.
If leaders and companies are going to thrive in this new emotional/ experience economy, they will definitely need to embrace the insights and wisdom of opposites. Just as men have exceedingly little real knowledge of how to effectively market to, and engage the heads, hearts and Souls of female clients, women are often in the dark when it comes some men's behaviors too.
If you are a male leader answer these questions¡K
Who makes 94% of the purchasing decision for Home Furnishings?
Who makes 92% of the purchasing decision for Vacations?
Who makes 91% of the purchasing decision for Houses?
Who makes 80% of the purchasing decision for D.I.Y. ("home projects")?
Who makes 51% of the purchasing decision for Consumer Electronics?
Who makes 83% of the purchasing decision for all consumer products?
Who makes 80% of the purchasing decision for Health Care?
Women do! Don't you think it may be worthwhile to have women coaches for your marketing and sales groups?
Remember that creativity comes from unlikely juxtapositions of age, culture, race, gender, perspectives etc¡K to gain the benefits on offer, means doing something different. It means stretching the comfort-zone outwards, towards the domain of new opportunity. It means embracing something completely different and contradictory. It means embracing opposites. Anyone for a hug?
Tony Dovale - Life Masters Coaching
www.lifemasters.co.za
083-447-6300
