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Passing the fail test

by Kate Koranyi

Failure is one of the dirtiest words in our society. Many people would rather be called strange, difficult, or other derogatory things than be labelled a failure. That’s hardly surprising, considering the
tremendous stress we place on success. After all, we’re taught that successful people are winners and
people who fail are losers.

But there is no failure, only feedback. Successful people look at mistakes as outcomes or results, not
as failure. Those who are unsuccessful look at mistakes as permanent and personal. You can say you’ve “failed” only if you give up and stop giving your best.

Most people limit themselves and, therefore, don’t achieve a fraction of what they’re capable of. They’re afraid to attempt anything as they’re petrified of failing. We have to realise that it’s the fear of
failure that hurts far more than the failure itself.

How can you stop the fear of failure crippling you? The key is learning how to “fail”. Everyone fails at some time, but it’s only a major problem if they let one failure defeat them or if it keeps them from
attempting new ventures.

Successful people all have one thing in common: they’ve made more mistakes than people who
haven’t succeeded. They keep pushing forward and take each setback as valuable information that
will help bring them closer to their goal. They keep attempting different approaches until they get the results they want. No amount of setbacks faze them.

Unsuccessful people try one thing that doesn’t work, give up and scream “failed”. Often, people give
up when they’re on the threshold of succeeding.

Take these steps to overcome your fear of failure and move forward to achieve your goal:

• Do something that scares you. Fear of failure is immobilising – to overcome this fear, you must act. It
will empower you.

• Don’t take setbacks personally. Failure is not a characteristic. Change your perspective, don’t limit
yourself to thinking in black and white. Again, failure is a negative attitude – it’s not an outcome.

• Reading about successful people can be very motivating. You’ll see that many failed over and over again before achieving success.

• Do things differently. If what you’re doing isn’t working, do something else. Be resourceful and
have the courage to experiment.

• Stop judging yourself, don’t be your own worst critic and don’t blow things out of proportion.

• Don’t set unrealistic expectations – it guarantees disappointment.

• Ask constructive questions: what did I learn from this experience? How can I use this for next time?

• Give yourself permission to fail: choose an area where you’re having problems and allow yourself to fail at least five (or more) times. For example, if you’re learning a language, allow yourself to make
mistakes, forget vocabulary and compose a badly written essay. See how failing isn’t that scary after all.

Kate Koranyi is a member of the Hong Kong International Coaching Community(info@coachinghk.org)