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SIGNPOSTS
Who are you?

by Michelle Gabbe

Some of us appear to lead double lives. Have you ever known a hard-nosed, bottomline- driven chief executive who terrorises his underlings but buckles to every demand of his toddler? Or a primary school student who’s stubborn, loud and bossy around the house but is described by her teachers as “an introspective, cooperative follower”?

These extreme cases illustrate our common desire to seek fulfilment by expressing our true nature. Free online selfassessment tools that reveal your preferred communication style, personality type and primary energy channels offer a great way to start getting in touch with which environments bring out the best in you.

But how else can you identify the values that comprise the “who” in you? Values and morals are distinct. Although everyone has values, the same can’t be said of morals. Values describe personally meaningful beliefs, standards and behaviours that represent the ideal you. We naturally operate according to our core values whenever life is running smoothly and there’s more than enough time for fun and relaxation. Uncover your four core values with these three steps:

• Quickly write out, without too much forethought or judgment, as many values as you can think of. Allow yourself to include things that seem silly or too audacious. A starter list of 25 items might begin like this: honesty, compassion, creativity, modesty, fidelity, insightfulness, leadership, meticulousness, charm, and so on.
• Narrow down the list to 10 items by removing anything that would become unnecessary if you had all the love, job support and financial resources you desire.
• Finally, simply pick the four values that are most attractive to you.

It may surprise you to find that one or more of your core values appears to be missing from your personal or professional life. You might be striving to live your values unconsciously without realising it.

A fellow coach who normally looks for the silver linings in dark clouds frequently complained about Signposts: Who are you? a persistent frustration at work. As a human resources manager, she knew that the lack of a definable company culture at work was the source of many staff grievances. Listening to her describe her participation in meetings, it seemed that her colleagues respected her opinions and routinely sought her guidance. My question to her was: How would you approach this situation if you were an executive with formal authority to make visionary decisions?

Seeing that she had pigeonholed herself into playing the support role she was expected to play, she felt motivated to assume power. Donning her leader hat, she excitedly initiated a plan to develop a company purpose and a set of organisational values.

Putting yourself on a purposeful path is a breeze when your core values are clear. Examine each of your personal and professional goals by asking: Would I still pursue this goal if my home mortgage was paid in full? If I was happily married with as many children as I want? If no one else would ever find out whether I achieved it or not? Answering “no” is a clue that the goal may be out of alignment with the true you.

Knowing your true values will arm you with a powerful tool when you find yourself faced with a difficult decision. Tally up the pros and cons and check them all against your four core values. How might the true you be compromised by taking that leap – or by not taking it?

Michelle Gabbe is a member of the Hong Kong International Coaching Community (info@coachinghk.org)